Done with the weekend fast -- results as follows:

That weekend fast was so clearing. It's so strange how actual grumblings and hunger pangs don't make me want to eat. It feels good. It feels like I'm clean, filled not with mushed-up food but with pure energy.

Saturday: ran to the park, intending on practicing some more free running. Unfortunately my arms were still sore from workouts before, so I swung across the monkey bars multiple times instead. Made me feel like a little kid again -- so full of energy, not a care in the world, scrawny and thin yet strong... I also vaulted over benches and tried some tic-tacs on the handball walls. I stopped when I tried a new jump and ended up tripping and bruising my shin. That led me to checking the time and realizing it was incredibly late, so I headed back home.

It was a good workout, and I dropped a pound.

Sunday: a bit tricky. My mom decided to schedule a luncheon with my grandma, aunt, and cousin's wife and kids. HORRIBLE, DISGUSTING, FRIED CHINESE FOOD ALL AROUND! I chewed voracious mouthfuls, exclaiming that it was delicious, then discreetly spit it into my half-finished bowl of soup. More greedy bites, more spitting into bowls and napkins and a trip to the bathroom to empty out a particularly oily morsel. Almost bulimia, but not quite. The food was very satisfying despite never having reached my stomach. My grandma and aunt were saying things like "Oh, are you on a diet? You are getting too skinny! I can see your collarbones!" I laughed politely, but it was a secret laugh in their faces. You are supposed to see collarbones in healthy-weight people! And yes, I am on a diet, but you don't know anything about it, do you? And no, I am not getting too skinny. Not skinny enough. Not even close!

Then, horror of horrors, a fancy Christmas cake that the cousin's wife had bought was brought out. It was covered in buttercream and chocolate and other sickeningly sweet confections. I took a slice like everybody else, put a bit in my mouth like everybody else. And unfortunately, as I chewed, nobody seemed to be looking away. I had to swallow that bite. And I felt like gagging, but what could I do? I swallowed it down, that disgusting chunk of fat, and smiled. And then I picked at the cake with a fork, laughing animatedly, and shoved the picked-at pieces into a napkin. Good riddance.

Felt terrible after that meal, and didn't weigh myself.

Today I was going to break my fast, and I intended to do that with an apple in the morning, but I didn't feel like ending that lovely feeling of clear-headed energy and emptiness. So I flounced off to Target with nothing more than water in my belly, giggling at my stomach's feeble growls. Then came the dreaded feeling of no-more-hunger. My stomach stops complaining and settles down, and then for some reason my fat begins to stick out prominently. It's like it decides to succumb to gravity and pool limply above the waistband of my jeans. Luckily I was wearing a sweater, otherwise my muffin top would have been embarrassingly prominent. I snooped around the makeup, decided that I needed some better concealer, some eyeliner, and an eyeshadow blending brush, so I took what I needed and left: Sonia Kashuk Hidden Agenda Concealer Palette, L'Oreal H.I.P. Kohl in Brown, and a Sonia Kashuk Crease Brush.

I walked down the block to the bookstore, intending on buying a journal. Nothing caught my eye except the new Moleskine Panoramic Planner, so I took that. I walked a little more to an office supply store and a nice square journal caught my eye. It was green, probably oilskin-bound. Too big to just take, so I paid for it. It was only about $6.50.

So, concealer, eyeliner, shadow brush, planner, and a journal for $6.50 total today. Not bad at all. Is it bad that I shoplift? Times are tough, and I still want to play. Those companies charge too much for their products anyway. If I had paid for everything like a good girl today, I would have paid... let's see, $10 for the concealer, $12 for the eyeliner, $7 for the brush, $15 for the planner, $6.50 for the journal. That's about $50 -- more than a lot of people make in a day! And these items are probably mass-produced in a factory in some developing country for fractions of a penny per item. I'll enjoy life my way, thanks.

And this all brings me to a current weight of 119+6 = 125 lbs. Huzzah, I dropped 4 lbs! Except that my jeans don't feel any looser, which makes me angry. I want slim legs, dammit!

I have decided to eat a yogurt now, since my stomach has stopped growling and I want to kick up my metabolism. Tomorrow I think I'll eat cabbage with mustard and 15 frozen grapes.

Good luck everyone on your own plans. Have a fabulous week preparing for Christmas. I know I'll be thinking of ways to avoid binging at parties myself.

-Thinvincible