First Day

It is late and I am starting this blog to document a journey I intend to pursue.

Who am I? I will not give out my real name, obviously. I will not even use my normal internet alias, which is well-known among my friends. I doubt any of them will find it though -- I intend to keep this a secret, my very own secret that nobody will ever find.

I am fat. I used to be quite thin, actually; even I will admit that. But then I went to college, where all of a sudden eating seemed to be the all encompassing passion of life. Everywhere, every hour of the day, there was an invitation to eat. I was a broke and a loser in high school. The few people that wanted to take me out stopped after realizing I could never pay for any of my meals. So, it was easy for me to eat normal amounts of food. And then, all of a sudden, I was thrust into a community where I was no longer the outcast and I was invited to eat as many times as I wanted in the all-you-can-eat dining hall, several times a day since I had an unlimited meal plan.

I began to gain weight steadily. I had always been touted as "naturally thin" and in possession of a "great metabolism." The truth is, though, that I simply eat a lot in front of people, but eschew food otherwise. People saw me eat anything and everything and simply assumed I was a voracious consumer. It made me feel incredible! Here I was, in possession of a natural talent that few people had: the ability to stay thin no matter how much I ate.

Now I know it isn't true. I simply thought so because everybody else thought so. Now that I look back, I simply did not eat most of the time. I have about a normal a metabolism as any other 19 year old girl in this country. And so, I cannot continue with my current habits.

I am fat. This must be cured.

There is only one way out that I can see. Return to my old ways, and perhaps even greater to become the weight I have always wanted to be. Perhaps even lower than that, to a weight that I never dreamed I'd be. But it will happen. This is even an appropriate time of year to start. It is almost New Year's -- it shall be my resolution for next year, and for the rest of the years of my life beyond that.

I will be thin and beautiful. Tall, thin, graceful, beautiful. Slim and pretty as a long-stemmed rose. Fading to nothingness. Absolutely invincible.